This episode is a treasure trove of insights on how to navigate judgment, both self-imposed and from the world around us. We unravel the practice of objectivity, particularly in the relentless tide of social media, and the pursuit of joy even when adversity looms large. Janette reveals her journey towards silencing the inner critic and the mantra that helps her step back from judging others' lives. Kristine and Janette also share practical tips on cultivating a serene mindset, and how embracing neutrality can illuminate the beauty of the present moment.
This motivating podcast explores how adopting the mindset that "life happens FOR you" can help embrace life's twists as exciting opportunities for growth. Join us and shift your perspective!
#liveinthemoment #trusttheprocess #icreatedalifeilove #genxers #cancersurvivor #creatingjoy #fun #acceptance #judgmentfreezone
This episode is a treasure trove of insights on how to navigate judgment, both self-imposed and from the world around us. We unravel the practice of objectivity, particularly in the relentless tide of social media, and the pursuit of joy even when adversity looms large. Janette reveals her journey towards silencing the inner critic and the mantra that helps her step back from judging others' lives. Kristine and Janette also share practical tips on cultivating a serene mindset, and how embracing neutrality can illuminate the beauty of the present moment.
This motivating podcast explores how adopting the mindset that "life happens FOR you" can help embrace life's twists as exciting opportunities for growth. Join us and shift your perspective!
#liveinthemoment #trusttheprocess #icreatedalifeilove #genxers #cancersurvivor #creatingjoy #fun #acceptance #judgmentfreezone
Hello everyone, welcome to. I Created a Life I Love. Hi everyone, we are so happy you're back. It is Janette and Kristine here and we are going to be continuing talking about. Today is our last podcast, talking about judgment, so that is our was the theme for this month, so it's going to be fun, I think, to kind of wrap that all up and look at the best ways to handle it and kind of give a whole summary here. So I think that will be nice today.
Janette Rodriguez:Yay, all right. So why don't we jump into where we're at? What's up, Kristine?
Kristine Spindler Denton:Let's see what's up for me. Better week. I'm trying to think of what I talked about last week with my brain right now that's probably not there, but I had been dealing with the loss of our dog Shadow, which has been hard, and then we, you know, getting used to our new normal, which the house has been, you know, just very different, very different, and I went through a really hard week or so there with my surgeries, but now it's been a much better week. We're feeling much stronger and in two weeks I will be having my third surgery. So that'll be good. And I do have another testing to see to confirm if I'm where I'm at. So we're going to hope that that test result comes out really good and I'll have that in about three days and then, if all goes well with that result, then I'll have my third, which will be my last surgery here in about two weeks. So that's where I'm at. I'm very, very much looking forward to being.
Kristine Spindler Denton:I don't know if you can ever say which I'm learning, but I don't know if you can ever say with cancer, because so many people you know it can be recurring and you just have to look at things a little differently once you've had a diagnosis like this, but I, so I don't know if you can ever say I'm done with cancer per se. I think anyone who's had this diagnosis just, it's always going to be with you moving forward, um, and that's part of my journey and my acceptance of that, and I, um, but I am hoping to be done, at least for now, with all of the surgeries. So that will be nice that. You know I get very sick from anesthesia, so it's a number of days recovery when I come out, even when they give me all that stuff.
Kristine Spindler Denton:The anesthesiologists are wonderful and try and do their best but there's not, you know, sometimes, especially when they're long surgeries, there's nothing they can really do. So you know, going through that process and recuperating and tubes, and you know, just being sore and just feeling drained, um, I'm very much looking forward to being past that. So that will be, that will be fun. So, um, we're trying to not look forward too much, living in the moment, but excited to be closer to that date.
Janette Rodriguez:Yeah, that's good. That's good. You know good. I know it's a whole process that you're going through and it takes time to get through it, but you're almost there, right.
Kristine Spindler Denton:Yes, yes, we are. How about you? What's up with you?
Janette Rodriguez:I am getting ready to host my first I would say uh outing slash people coming over and spending the night at my house.
Kristine Spindler Denton:So I'm always a new homeowner you know what I mean home person, that you have your own home. I guess you guys are renting right now, but when you have a new place that you, you know, get to have people and family and friends come and spend time with you. So that's, it's stressful but it's fun.
Janette Rodriguez:Yeah, yeah, so I'm getting everything ready. You know, at first it was four people, and then it turned into six, and now it's it's turning into eight.
Kristine Spindler Denton:So that's a lot of people to host at one, yeah, and so your friends, it's family.
Janette Rodriguez:It's family, okay, and you know, and it's uh, my cousins, my tias, my mom, my sister, and so it's it's gonna be a grand old time and they're only staying over for one day, but you know, you want to have the, the place ready for them to see, and so there's a couple of like furniture pieces that we're missing, and I need to get on that because I don't think I'm gonna get them all time. See, you know we'll make do with what we have what?
Kristine Spindler Denton:what type of furniture are we talking like? Do we have chairs and do we have a bed like?
Janette Rodriguez:that's the basics well, I have one bed. They're gonna bring air mattress. We have three couches, but we don't have a table like a dining table or like yeah, a dining table, oh, a dining table or like a table, yeah, a dining table.
Kristine Spindler Denton:Oh, a dining table. Okay, we have a countertop, I get you.
Janette Rodriguez:So stressing out about that, but we'll see how it's going to turn out.
Kristine Spindler Denton:Did you order one, or you guys just haven't decided what you want yet?
Janette Rodriguez:I want to rush on it because I want something that's nice and that fits. Because I want something that's nice and that fits and you know, like I don't want to just get, and you know, get one last minute, because I'm not, I'm probably not gonna like it in a week. So I really want to take my time. So if I don't have one, at least I have chairs like outside, you know, park chairs that you use, the folding chairs, yeah, that I could place in my kitchen, yeah or dining area?
Kristine Spindler Denton:yeah, and they. But they can sit on the couch too and hold their plate like on their lap. It's not the end of the world for one night, right, which you're talking about, and you shouldn't buy something until you're comfortable with. This is your house. You know that you're going to be in for a while and you don't. You're exactly right. You don't want to make a decision just to have something if you haven't found what you want yet.
Kristine Spindler Denton:Exactly yeah yeah does everyone get along and everything like okay, and are they high maintenance or it's going to be?
Janette Rodriguez:no, they're pretty slow. Yeah, they go with the flow. They like to enjoy, you know, and they've all traveled for my wedding together. It's kind of the same group and they know how they are when they travel. So we know when to give each other space or not to harp on things you know and to just go with the flow.
Kristine Spindler Denton:Yeah it's. I mean, that's the key right To life. Right there is that everyone has their quirks. Everyone who thinks someone's better than somebody else is the person who's the most quirky. Trust me, if you're sitting there bothered by everybody else, so it's just about knowing you know how to handle it, knowing when to walk away and give yourself a little time, give yourself a break, be with others, but everyone has their stuff. So if you're troubled with people, you got to be mindful of that. Oh yeah, now I'm excited. Is your husband excited or is he like, oh God, here they come.
Janette Rodriguez:At first he was excited and it's just after it grew to more and more people he's like I don't know about this so we'll see it's gonna be.
Kristine Spindler Denton:It's only for one night, right?
Janette Rodriguez:you said yes yeah, it's only for one night, you can do it, it'll be easy well, I don't know about that, but yeah, yeah, you got it.
Kristine Spindler Denton:That's what I would say. You've got this. Okay, very cool. Well, let's move into. Let's see our topic of the day. As we said, we're winding up putting a bow on it for judgment, talking about judgment, and we delved into, as a quick review here, we delved into silencing that inner critic and judging yourself. Then we looked at judging others and everyone got to hear my very strong opinion on social media and stopping my urge to everyone to stop commenting on everyone else's life. Be inspired, look at it, do all you want, but please stop commenting Like you don't. You don't need to if you it it. No, that's what I say. No. So that was, um, the second week, Then the third time around we were talking about last week.
Kristine Spindler Denton:We were talking about not judging situations from very small things that happen to you, let's say you spill your coffee or you're late to work to the bigger ones, like being diagnosed with cancer, and how we can not judge them all as bad and get to the point of acceptance as soon as possible because it's not changing. My diagnosis is not changing just because I'm all frustrated or mad about it. So the sooner I can get in the line with acceptance and finding good in it, finding what the positives are, finding what the lessons are that go with the bad stuff that comes. The sooner you get there, the more blessings I feel and the more positivity and the more good things that are going to come. So, trying not to judge situations. So those were our three areas and now we're hitting in with that joyful mindset, and what we're trying to talk about here kind of, you know, bringing this all together is that you have to change your entire mindset you really do, and the more that you are objective and able to just stop yourself from that first instinctual judgment and it is. You have to train yourself, as we were talking about that inner critic. You have to, you know, train your mind to challenge that negative voice Instead of just listening to it and accepting it as gospel. You've got to train yourself to go. No, that's not true, and it's the same with your mindset. As far as judgment as a whole, you really have to train yourself and practice being objective, and it does not.
Kristine Spindler Denton:I know for myself, and I will just speak for myself, and I know as an educator for how many years um, that it is it's the same with kids and I see it all the time is that gut reaction, initial reaction is to judge something, especially if it's change or new, and it's always no. The initial reaction is no, or I don't want change or I don't want this. And, as we all know, as adults, having, you know, some time to look back on our lives, many of those things that we thought were going to be negatives turned out to be huge pluses. You didn't get this job, but then a month later you were offered something better, or that guy you liked or girl you'd like, you know broke your heart and it was horrible, but then a year later, you're in the best relationship of your life.
Kristine Spindler Denton:That it's there's not always, you know, it's not always what we initially think, and it's not just that, it's also you miss the joy. So this is my biggest thing is, if we're trying to build a life and create a life with more joy, for it to be a life that we love, we're blocking ourself from joy. Every time, we immediately jump to a negative. We are blocking ourself from seeing the possibility, from seeing the other options, from just letting something unfold and be what it is right, and that's to me.
Kristine Spindler Denton:What's so crucial is, even if we're judging something as being great, then we're putting all these expectations on it that it has to be like this way or this great, and again we miss what's actually happening.
Kristine Spindler Denton:If you are in your head about why it's going to be bad or even why it's going to be good, you cannot be focused on the moment as to actually what's happening, and that's where joy comes from in the present moment. So that's my thing about changing your mindset. It's not easy to do. You have to practice it. I work on it every day, all the time, with big things and little things, and I'm in no way not even close to good at it yet or great at it yet, but I keep practicing. So that's I think that's the biggest thing I've learned and want to get across to people as much as possible is that you're hurting yourself, that all of this judgment just hurts yourself and takes away your enjoyment of the moment. That is, your enjoyment of the joy that is there because we're putting our own perception on it and sometimes we're creating battles that we don't need.
Janette Rodriguez:If we're putting judgment on others, you know you might be creating this whole drama that will be exploded, you know even further. So staying away from you know that judgment and just being neutral is so important, even battles within your own self. Neutral is so important, even battles within your own self, because you're constantly thinking, you're constantly saying yes, no, yes, no, yes, no.
Kristine Spindler Denton:And, like Christine said, you miss that moment of joy you do, and I think you just set yourself up for failure too. There's no other way. So initially, perfect example. I'm going to give you an example, my normal reaction if I'm a Libra and my normal reaction as a Libra we reflect back to you whatever you're giving to us. So if I meet someone in your suite or nice or you know what I mean coming at me with a positive energy or whatever, you're going to get that right back. You know what I mean Coming at me with a positive energy or whatever, you're going to get that right back. If you come at me with kind of a negative attitude or ignoring me or not really talking to me, or obviously some issue is happening right and I can sense that in you Everyone can feel each other's energy. Like that you don't have to be empath thing or all of that, like you can just tell with someone and I, my initial reaction is to come back at you with, okay, fine, I'm climbing up.
Kristine Spindler Denton:I'm not going to be my normal perky, happy self, which is my normal personality, just on a daily basis.
Kristine Spindler Denton:I'm a high energy kind of perky type person and I'm going to shut that down, like that shit shutting down and you're going to get a very monotone, like my girls knew, whenever I was upset or angry.
Kristine Spindler Denton:All of a sudden it got very quiet, very monotone responses from me and is a judgment, like that's a complete judgment.
Kristine Spindler Denton:That's me deciding that it's a couple of things.
Kristine Spindler Denton:I mean. That's me definitely deciding that your energy is just now going to affect mine and that changing my day, but it's also judging that you are doing it on purpose and doing it to me, and that's the problem, because then now I'm not going to be helpful to you, I'm not going to be kind to you, I'm not going to be understanding, I'm not going to be open now, I'm not going to be helpful to you, I'm not going to be kind to you, I'm not going to be understanding, I'm not going to be open, I'm not going to be able to see your vulnerability, I'm not going to be able to see any of it because I'm upset, I'm pissed off, I I've got a little attitude now and that was honestly me for years and years and years and, let's be honest, still is if I don't watch it. And so I had the opportunity. You know how, whenever you start going on these journeys and start putting it out there that you want to learn and grow. The universe says hold my beer, here's your chance to grow.
Kristine Spindler Denton:And so I got two opportunities this week where people were not acting real kind to me and instead of me coming back or taking it on, as you know, oh well, fine, right. Then instead I just stayed myself. I gave them a little distance, for sure. You know what I mean. I wasn't in their face because I could. Obviously they're going through something, but it has nothing to do with me. And for me to assume it has to do with me, that's on me. That's on me If I'm taking that on and making that assumption. If they're going through something, even if what they're going through is about you, it's none of your damn business. Until they bring it to you and say, hey, can we chat, hey, can we talk? Otherwise they're working it out and they might've been offended by something you did and they're trying to do no judgment, and so they're trying to work it out. And so for you to just get all mad about it or judge them and be like, okay, well, if you're going to act that way, I'm going to act this way back, you lose everything. So I stayed neutral, I stayed calm, I didn't change how I was, gave them a little distance, but was still happy, cheerful, being as kind to them as I possibly could and by one day with one of them and by three days with the other, they came kind of came back around and they started acting their normal self again toward me, their normal you know. So whatever it was for them, they worked it out.
Kristine Spindler Denton:But if I had responded with that judgment and escalated it, it wouldn't have come out that way and I didn't have to do anything but be exactly my same normal self, not judge, stay objective and they worked it out. Stay objective and they worked it out and I don't care. I don't ever care and have to know what it was. I just I don't, it doesn't matter, they worked out whatever it was in our relationship is fine. It was exactly the same on Friday as it had been before and I think that's the biggest thing. I just let it unfold. I didn't put a judgment to it of good or bad or okay. I'm going to do this because they're doing that and react to it in any way. I stayed objective and I let it unfold and let them work out what they needed to work out.
Janette Rodriguez:Yeah, and I'm glad you did that and I'm glad that you were actually able to put what we say into practice, see if it worked or if something needed to be fine-tuned, or anything like that. That just gives it more of a big emphasis of why we should, especially if we want to continue that joy. Because, I will tell you, when I was in the work setting, we all knew at my job that for me it was very difficult with my interactions with people and how I would take things a little personally, and I was working on that. I was working on that and trying my best to just let it go and let it be, but I had a hard time. I'm going to be very honest with our be, but I had a hard time. I'm going to be very honest with our audience. I did have a hard time.
Janette Rodriguez:And so when you're barely starting to implement all of these different strategies or all of these things that we're talking about, it's going to be tough. It's not going to happen overnight. It's something that you definitely need to work on, and the first thing is recognizing your judgment. That's the first thing. And then, oh, how are you feeling towards this judgment? And once you can identify that you are in a space of being judgmental, that you can switch it up and train your brain, like Christine said.
Kristine Spindler Denton:Yeah, yeah, like I, you're exactly right. I had to realize that my reaction, my shutting down, like that was the issue, like that was my issue, but I think the biggest thing that's helped me on this, there've been two things that have helped me on my journey anyway. So maybe they will help other people out there, maybe they won't, but that one, yes, identifying it and making sure you know what you do. But then it's always it's not my business. So the two things that I've been doing is I say to myself when someone acts funky, I have saying that I say every single time it's not my business. So I think having a plan and knowing what you're going to say to yourself to not my business. So I think having a plan and knowing what you're going to say to yourself to stop that reaction, you have to have a plan. You can't just go out in the world and say I'm not going to judge people today. Well, bullshit, it's going to happen, like I'm sorry, it's just going to happen. We're human, right, but it's definitely going to happen if you don't have a plan right and you don't have something that you're going to say to yourself. So set yourself up for success on this in my mind and have something you're going to say to yourself. So whenever I see someone acting funky, being pissy, you know doing something I view as unkind and not thinking of others, and when they're in a public area, you know like driving crazy and a line crazy, or or in a work area, and they're just not being like normal professional etiquette type things, you know, you just have I, the words I say to myself are it's not my business, it's not my business whatever they're going through, it's not and it's that. And that immediately goes into it's not about me and I need to keep my, you know myself going my way.
Kristine Spindler Denton:So the second part of that is I'm on my journey and whenever you remind yourself like this journey for me is so important and it was important before I was diagnosed with cancer, but getting the, you know, being diagnosed with cancer made it even, you know, elevated the importance of this journey for me in my life, of really creating a life that I love, of really finding joy way, you know, in every day, in as many moments as I can. And to do that I have to continually remind myself and I I brought this up, I think, on like episode one or two, that I have a little settings on my phone that ding at certain times to remind me to take a couple breaths and make sure my intention for the day is happening. At work, at a social event, whatever I'm at, I want to make sure that my intention is staying true to what I expect of myself from that day and what I want out of that day. It's my day and I get to get what I want out of that and that is being kind to others, that is creating more joy and more laughter in my life, for me and for the people around me. So the intentions that I have are not going to be hit if I'm over there judging someone.
Kristine Spindler Denton:So that's the second part. So the first part I say to myself is it's not my business and so you don't judge what anyone else is going through, because we don't know where they're at. And then the other one is what's my goal and my journey? You know what is my intention for this day Keeping me on my journey, because if you are focused on yourself and again, this is not about being selfish because if you have your shit together and you're making yourself a better person, you're making the world a better place. You're better to the people around you, you are more of a positive light and loving and giving and volunteering for others all of those things with a pure, authentic heart. So you got to get your own house in order and if everyone would do that, it would be a much different world. So I am so focused on this journey, hyper-focused to make sure that I'm growing, and I can't do that if I'm thinking about somebody else. You can't. You can't do both at the same time. You just you can't, and you have to pick one.
Janette Rodriguez:Oh yeah, and even in my setting it's just me and my husband. I'm going to use that, yeah, yeah.
Kristine Spindler Denton:Those are the hardest ones, girl, the settings are the hardest ones. Like I mean, that's that cause, that's the most vulnerable, the most intimate, like that's. You know, that's the hardest relationship to get. So, same thing, if your partner's not in a good place and having a bad day, it's hard not to take it personally and to let that invade your and you, you know, invade your world I'm sorry I didn't finish that sentence invade your world and affect you. So, yeah, you have to be very diligent about, like, walking away, giving a little space and doing some breathing and recentering on your own as to what was your intention for this day Exactly.
Janette Rodriguez:Yeah, I love it, love it.
Kristine Spindler Denton:Okay, so our monthly resource for this month we'll mention again was the untethered soul by Michael Singer. Um, he has a couple of books. It's really a wonderful book. It has um quotes from the Bible, quotes from Buddha, quotes from all these different spiritual leaders, and really brings it all together about how you can train your mind to really exactly what we're talking about, how you separate and get that objectivity in your brain and can train your brain and your thoughts to be ones that work for you and, you know, help you create a life that you love and not work against you. So we're going to stick with that. I am going to throw in one other resource that I really enjoyed and just found, and that is because we had a couple of people reach out regarding Buddhist teachings and some of that which I think are really wonderful. So Buddhability is. I'm going to give them a shout out. They have a podcast and a website and it has a lot of interesting stories about how they do chanting versus meditation.
Kristine Spindler Denton:I'm working on meditation. Some people are doing prayer where some people are just doing walks in nature. We have viewers doing all sorts and, again, that's the purpose. No one should be doing it the same. Everyone should be doing it the way that works for them and their unique journey. No one way is better than another.
Kristine Spindler Denton:What all matters is if it works for you, for you and so Bootability has a podcast and a website that offer you like chanting and why that works and why taking a couple minutes to do that maybe before you meditate kind of, is your warm-up, to kind of just clear things out and get your brain to stop, because you're saying something over and over again. So it helps slow down those thoughts that may be driving you crazy while you're trying to have a quiet moment or a meditative moment or a moment of prayer, whatever it is. So that's their way to do that and you can use any words that work for you. But I tried it for the first time this morning. So that's an interesting little journey that I'm on and trying to see how I'm going to try it for a week and see what that does for me. So I'm very interested to see what happens with that. But that's a source for you guys to look at.
Kristine Spindler Denton:If you're interested oh cool.
Janette Rodriguez:So what is your moment of joy, Christine?
Kristine Spindler Denton:My moment of joy this week is the ocean. So I did, cause I'm feeling stronger now before, um, you know, when recovering from that second surgery. It's been a couple of months now so I'm feeling much stronger and I was able to get to the ocean. So that's what mine is, is just, I love being at the ocean. Living in California Um, I try, and I'm about, you know, 15 minutes from the ocean.
Kristine Spindler Denton:I try, and I'm about 15 minutes from the ocean. I try, and I used to do that at least once a week on the weekend and one morning, go early and walk on the sand and obviously, with my situation, I haven't been able to do that weekly now. So I was able to get back out and do that and it just looking out at the ocean, feeling the waves on your feet, like it just is something that is to me so spiritual, so just rejuvenating as to our place in this world and, you know, wanting to do the best that I can in this life that I was, uh, I am so blessed to have been given this life, that I was, I am so blessed to have been given. So that brings that all full circle for me when I'm at the ocean. So that was my moment of joy. How about you? What was yours this week?
Janette Rodriguez:Mine is my dog. She was so happy rolling in the grass. But let me tell you we gave her a bath just the day before and I think she was trying to get that nice scent off of her and she wanted the grass scent. So she was in the most happiest moment of just rolling in the grass and being one with the grass. So it was really cute and love her, Love her.
Kristine Spindler Denton:Animals are the best, animals are the absolute best to get us to enjoy the little things. Remind us, right, how the little things and the very um simple moments are can have the most joy. So very cool. Our monday minute was up on monday, and that is of the ocean as well, since I was there and I was recording. So it's really fun because I caught a bird in one of them in the one.
Kristine Spindler Denton:This week Just gives you a time to reflect and take that minute. So that is the goal of those Monday Minutes that you can use throughout the week and just take that moment like we were talking about earlier with judgment, to reset, to make sure you're focused on what your intention, your good intention for the day is and, uh, and you know, stop yourself from getting sidetracked from everything else going around you sometimes. You just need to reset throughout the day and those monday minutes are great for that because it's only a minute and there sounds of either like the wind blowing through the trees or the ocean water lapping up on the shore. It's really nice to just listen to that for a minute, watch it happening and kind of reset your brain and your whole overall feeling. So hopefully you guys can listen to those. Those are on YouTube as our shorts.
Kristine Spindler Denton:And then we do have all of our merchandise and items up. Oh, I finally remembered our I Created a Life I Love. This is one of our coffee mugs, but we have mugs and water containers and all of that up and t-shirts as well on Etsy, for I Created a Life I Love. And we have our new blog out too, on our website, which is fantastic, and that kind of goes through what we've been talking about our podcast this week. It's the companion for our podcast, all about judgment and puts it into actionable steps that you can take daily about judgment and avoiding judgment. So that is out now. So, please, you can go and read that and download that as well.
Janette Rodriguez:Loving it. That's great, All right. So next week we're going to be talking about facing our fears.
Kristine Spindler Denton:Yes, bravery. We are moving on from judgment to bravery and being brave, and that involves, first, we're going to look at how you face your fears. So I think people I'm excited to talk about this because I think people are more brave than they give themselves credit for I'm going to go out on a limb and say, especially women. I think women sometimes don't get enough credit for how brave they are and don't take stock in their lives and look back and see that. I went through that and I think parents are as well men and women are.
Kristine Spindler Denton:You know, it's, it's an act of bravery just to have a child, to think that you can raise one, can raise one without going crazy, and it's a challenge to do that. I've done it twice and it was a challenge both times. So I think that we are a lot more brave than we think we are. We kind of put this definition on bravery of some hero out there slaying dragons type of thing, and we don't recognize the acts of bravery that are happening every day around us. So I'm excited to jump into bravery and celebrate people out there who are doing acts of bravery every day. Thank you guys, thanks everybody. Have a wonderful week, go out there and create a life you love, and we'll see you next week. Bye.