The winds of change don't just blow through our personal lives; they shape our generational experiences, too. This episode peels back the layers on how emotional expression has shifted over time, influencing everything from handling a divorce to buying a house. We’ll chat about the importance of community support, the balance between independence and interdependence, and how raising our children to embrace their feelings can transform the future. Whether you're considering the world of dating post-major life change or finding your identity beyond parenthood, we are here to share laughter, tears, and the bravery that binds us.
#bravereinvention #startingoverwithcourage #transformativejourneys #icreatedalifeilove #genxers #cancersurvivor #creatingjoy #fun
The winds of change don't just blow through our personal lives; they shape our generational experiences, too. This episode peels back the layers on how emotional expression has shifted over time, influencing everything from handling a divorce to buying a house. We’ll chat about the importance of community support, the balance between independence and interdependence, and how raising our children to embrace their feelings can transform the future. Whether you're considering the world of dating post-major life change or finding your identity beyond parenthood, we are here to share laughter, tears, and the bravery that binds us.
#bravereinvention #startingoverwithcourage #transformativejourneys #icreatedalifeilove #genxers #cancersurvivor #creatingjoy #fun
Hello everyone, hi everyone, welcome to. I Created a Life I Love. Woohoo, we are on podcast number 10. Our topic today, our title we're talking about being brave. Our theme for the month of April is bravery, and today we're talking about starting over with courage. Being brave when you are reinventing yourself, reinventing your life, or having to start over from any possible thing that could happen. So that's what we're talking about today. I'm excited. It's going to be good and let's get started. Let's go with what's up, Janette, what's up?
Janette:So I've been exploring the area a lot. I actually went to the Valley of Fire with my husband. We went on a hike and let me tell you, this place is amazingly gorgeous. It's like an hour outside of Vegas. It's a bunch of different rock formations, different trails, and I believe it's a state park, and so there's just so many things to explore. It's just amazingly gorgeous, that's so cool, Nice.
Kristine:I'm glad your husband went with you because I know you're doing some hikes on your own and stuff which is always fun. I love hiking on my own, but it's fun to share it with someone as well, so that's very cool yeah.
Janette:Yeah, I know we had a good time. We had a good time, so what's up with you?
Kristine:I am you know, it's like the calm before the storm right, Because I'm feeling the best I felt right in a long time and my next surgery hopefully, we're saying in my last surgery is in six days, so of course like. I'm feeling my best right. I'm fully recovered from the second surgery. I'm feeling, you know I shouldn't say fully recovered, but I'm definitely so much stronger, starting to feel closer to my old self. And then back under the knife she goes.
Janette:Well, I'm glad you're you're feeling a lot better. That's amazing, yeah.
Kristine:That's what my doctor said. You know, yeah, it's like heal you up to cut you again. You know, yeah, it's like heal you up to cut you again.
Kristine:I love it, but, but it's all good all along this journey, so it's fine.
Kristine:But yeah, it's like I have very, very mixed emotions. Right, I'm excited because we hopefully think this will be the last surgery, but yet I don't want to get my totes to you know. You don't want to again that whole trying to not judge what we were talking about last month, not judging anything as good or bad, and just trying to stay objective and neutral and whatever comes my way, I'm going to learn from and grow from, and so, but yeah, you definitely, you know, have a range of emotions of like getting excited because you know this will hopefully be the last of it and getting to a place of being, you know, done with the surgeries and cancer-free completely and all of that kind of stuff, so it can start to play with you a little bit mentally. So it's, this journey and talking to you guys has definitely helped in me really being aware, staying in the moment, grateful for where I'm at and just trying to find all the learning and growth I possibly can. So, yeah, so six days. So there you go.
Janette:All right. So what are we going to be talking about today, Christine?
Kristine:Well, today, on our list last week, like we were talking about right facing our fears. On our list last week, like we were talking about right facing our fears right and kind of looking at you know, when you need to face your fears. What fears are, just fears that, like we don't really have to overcome and conquer, but the fears that are actually holding us back from things that we want to do and things that will bring us joy, find a way to conquer them or become at peace with. And so this week we're looking more with the area of bravery, on reinvention and having courage. I think when you are starting over reinventing and I think it's perfect because both of us are in that place right now right, you are completely starting over in a new city, in a new house, new area, you know, with just your husband, don't know anyone in Las Vegas, you know what I mean and you're you know all your friends and family are states away now, and so how you're doing that and how you have courage to go out and start meeting people and putting yourself out there, and I'm also have just gone through a reinvention. So I guess I'll tell part of my story real quick, is that so three years ago I sold um, my child, my children's, like their, um, their home that they grew up in, right, so I, we had lived there for 20 years and so that was part of the final um aspect of the divorce. We had been divorced but I was able to secure that we would keep the house until my youngest child graduated, which was only a couple of years but had graduated from high school, so they could stay with their friends, stay in the same area, graduate, finish at the school they started. So we were able to do that, and so we sold that house about three and a half years ago.
Kristine:And then I had to completely figure out what I was going to do on my own. And I mean I still had them, like they were, not that I didn't have my children, but I still had them with me. Like my youngest was, you know, still coming home between college. She was just going to be, you know, heading off to college during the year but, you know, still on breaks and coming home for Christmas. Um, both my girls were still coming home for all of that, and my youngest was definitely still coming home over the summer.
Kristine:And so it was just completely figuring out in California how I was going to be able to afford, if I was going to do that and afford to be able to buy a new house on my own from my part of the sales of our old house. And that was a huge financial um, just not burden but challenge, I guess, I would say, to figure out. And I hadn't ever purchased property on my own. So that was also and there might be a lot of people out there and women out there that have like, oh, I've purchased, you know, or I invest in property, or I'm a real estate agent and I've you know, um, and they're very comfortable with that.
Kristine:For me I was not, and so it wasn't that I was fearful of it, I was excited about it, actually, but it definitely brought stress right and a complete you know, reinventing myself as far as like, okay, it's like all these forms, I'm filling out all the documents, I'm reading all the financing and the people I'm talking to about financing and all of that, like I'm doing it completely and totally on my own. And so it was challenging, it was extremely challenging to do that, and I had a lot of people saying to me oh, don't do it, don't buy property on your own, just rent something until you figure it out. And I was like the rule about California the secret rule has always been about California is, once you own property, you better keep opening owning property or you'll never own property again and like, once you leave California, you'll never be able to come back and buy again because it's just so expensive. It's ridiculous, right, I would say. Now the prices I'm seeing in so many other States are just as bad.
Kristine:Right, so you would know and be able to speak to that, even in Vegas. But I think it's just bad everywhere, but California has always been known for being bad bad everywhere, but California has always been known for being bad. And so I was like there's no way. I just feel like if I don't take this chunk of money that I'm getting and reinvest it in a house to see growth with that money, I don't think it's a good idea, like you know what I mean. It was just a choice I made.
Kristine:I'm sure there's tons of people out there who will be saying you know, don't do this or do do that, but that's what I wanted to do. And so, um, I did find a property, I did find a place to live that I wanted to do, but it was definitely a challenge and I had to be very brave and I had to find courage and I had to do a lot of research on all of the fees and the documents and all of that in buying a home and making sure that you know if, where I could talk them down and where I could negotiate, and there's just, there's a lot. Everyone who's been through selling of a house and buying of a house and I also had to completely redo my old property and get it ready to sell as well, and stage it and all of that kind of stuff and do some improvements that needed to happen before it could be sold. So there was just a lot involved with the whole thing, and so that was a big challenge for me and definitely a time in my life when I had to be courageous and brave in reinventing, you know, all aspects of myself and where I was going to be living and being a homeowner, a single homeowner. And, um, I'll tell you one of the things that I did do when my girlfriend was like, watch some movies with brave women, it'll help you. Like, get books around you to do it, watch some movies. So I ended up watching some really cool old movies that had these women, just you know, going off on their own and doing their old thing. And then I even watched the movie Brave, right With the Disney movie, right, that movie Do you remember that one Gorgeous like red hair, and so I even watched that. But, like I just got myself and the books I was reading and what I was listening to as podcasts or music or any of that I was, that was showing really strong, brave women and I think that really helped.
Kristine:I think, when you can see other people doing it and you see other people, you know doing things when you never thought you would be single, you never thought you'd be doing it all on your own. And, okay, you're accepting that. That's now where you are and I was very accepting of that, but it still doesn't mean you don't have your moments of doubt. It still doesn't mean you don't have your moments of can I do this? Oh God, am I going to fuck it up? Am I going to lose an extra $5,000 here or $10,000 here Cause I make the wrong choice? Right, like have all those questions and doubts and it's hard when you don't have someone to bounce it off of right. Or and um, a partner that's in it with you and um has your best interest at heart and you're doing it on your own. So, um, that was my secret way. I tried to find as much inspiration and courageous people around me that um could give me the strength to. You know, do what I was doing.
Janette:How about you?
Kristine:reinventing in Vegas. I know you have so many things that you're doing for the first time.
Janette:Yeah, yeah. And so currently I am in the process of rediscovering, and not only re well reinventing, but I'm rediscovering myself and really you know what are my strengths and weaknesses, you know, and not forgetting what I accomplished. Um, I just also just started, you know, trying to beef up my resume and I'm like, damn, I accomplished a lot and I've done a lot, and it's always difficult to remember and remind yourself. You know what you have achieved and I think I'm in the process of right now not setting, you know, selling myself short, if you want to say that you know but then also keeping in mind the reasons why I left California and the reasons why I left my job. Setting is because I was completely stressed out. You know, do I want that stress? Do I want that to continue? So, just really trying to find what interests me and to build on that.
Janette:To build on that, you know, I probably will pursue another job in education some way, some sort of supporting students, because you know I really do enjoy working with students, but it might be in a different capacity. So right now I am rediscovering all of my likes and you know, and what are my strengths and my weaknesses, and really putting myself out there. So I haven't quite done it yet, but I will, starting this month. Last night, yeah, I had an epiphany. I was like oh my God, wow, I can do a lot of things if I really wanted to. Oh my God, wow, I can do a lot of things if I really wanted to. So I'm making lists and I'm, you know, trying to come up with multiple letters of interest and resumes to apply to different positions. So we'll see how it goes.
Kristine:That's so cool. Yeah, I think that's one of the really important things. I think that's a great piece of advice. So um is writing out lists and writing out things that you have accomplished or things that you are good at, because whenever you're in huge changes, going through huge changes in your life, you can start to feel overwhelmed and you can start to feel a little lost. Um, making sure and having a list as far as what you're good at, what you like to do, times that you have been brave, things that you have accomplished, is important to be able to look at.
Kristine:I've started with the dry erase markers. I've started putting them on my mirrors, so I have little writings or little sayings and I change it up all the time that are on my mirrors in my house. So I have one in my bedroom on my mirror that I look out, look at like every morning when I'm putting on lotions and stuff and getting up in the morning or, you know, putting up my hair or whatever, and I look at it in the evening. I see you know a little. You know whatever little saying or whatever my focus is, and so, knowing that we're talking this month about bravery, I've been trying to have some quotes about bravery up there, and it's been good because I do think it can be a lot. It's just a lot to try and go through major changes and I think you need to have strong people around you that are going to be positive.
Kristine:I think for I'm a very and again, I think this goes back to being a Gen Xer. I think I've talked to a lot of other women who are in their fifties Gen X that we tend to do things a lot on our own. We tend to be loners. We tend to have a lot of friends and people that we know, but a lot of the time we'll handle things on our own without turning to anybody else, because that's how we were raised, right, like we were not ever raised to come to our parents and talk to them and share our feelings. There was this great Instagram or TikTok post where they put all the generations and one was just like you should talk about your feeling, and one's like I'm in therapy for feeling, and one's you know, millennial.
Kristine:One's Gen Z and all saying this, and then the bottom one just says you guys have feelings and it's the Gen Xer, because you just were never allowed feelings If you were upset, if you were scared, if you were whatever. We were told to get over it right, your feelings were not in any way um, listen to, let alone even acknowledge to. Like you, it was just no, shut up and go play outside. The adults are talking now like that's just what it was. So you, we didn't grow up with, you know, being able to say I'm scared, or I'm this, or or I'm there to our parents, like I don't remember my mother honestly ever, like really sitting down and listening to my concerns or fears over anything happening. You know what I mean. And so it just wasn't the time. They just didn't for better or for worse.
Kristine:So I think that that made me extremely independent and so, as I was saying, when I was buying my house, when I was going through my divorce and all of that, I kept a lot of what I was going through very secret, you know, very secret, and I didn't, you know, talk on or lean on a lot of other people, because I was like, okay, pick myself up, I can do this, I'm strong, I'm brave, I don't need anybody type of attitude, and I think the goal that we want to get to hopefully as we get older, if you can, is that that's not the way it has to be, and I think we all raised our kids very different from that Right, and we raised our kids to think about their feelings and express them when they're scared and when they are going through big change, and they need to be brave and they're trying to find their courage to talk about it, to get support, and so I think that's what I'm trying to do more of.
Kristine:I think I'm trying to reach out to more people when I go through changes and I think this podcast is one way of doing that, of making and building a community so we can really support each other and we can be there for each other and we can be the inspiration about you know, and remind us that we are brave, that we are courageous, just for getting up in the morning and going through it right, getting up and taking a new step every day.
Janette:And you know, my, my generation is different and it was a norm to talk about that, those things, you know, and to have that social presence and and I mean, I think it's also culturally too and it depends, you know, the culture that you're brought up with, because I know there's some cultures where they still don't talk about their feelings with their parents, you know, and uh, but as far as with uh, friends, you know, I think I'm really grateful to have a good support system of who I, you know, who I trust and who I can, you know, bounce ideas off of and, you know, maybe sometimes go to advice or get advice, or even just to have somebody to listen, because it is difficult, it is difficult.
Kristine:Yeah, yeah, and I'm sure you're going through parts too of just when it's, you know, when you're doing this, of being lonely because you can't just go get a beer with one of your friends or can't have you been doing zooms with friends and stuff, or well, I know it's, it's.
Janette:It's more like I'm using my husband, but no, not zooms, it's more phone calls, you know text, or even just sending each other memes.
Kristine:You guys don't get on the phone usually, it's usually texting or memes, right yeah?
Janette:Memes of how you're feeling or if you miss somebody and it's like you know, kind of conveying the message of like, oh, this is how you feel when you miss your best friend, or you know X, y and Z or just little side jokes that we do. So. Yeah, definitely do that, yeah, yeah, and they'll call me from their break. When they're on their break they're like hey, what are you doing? Yeah, so it's nice.
Kristine:Yeah, yeah, I've been trying to get more because I was Okay's nice. Yeah, yeah, I've been trying to um, get more because I was okay. So, like, another factor I was going to start like and something for me to be brave about and courageous about is getting back into a relationship. I think that's going to be a very hard one for me. I know I shouldn't say I think I know that's a very hard. I already know it's already here. I think I know that's a very hard one for me. I already know it's already here, it's right here, it's already happening Is a hard one for me.
Kristine:But and I was going to start being brave and go on that journey privately right when I got diagnosed with cancer. So you know, as I said, the universe said hold my beer, you're going to stay single for quite a bit longer yet because we're going to send you on a little detour. So I think that that's going to be. I've decided that. I think that's going to be. You know, the journey that I'm going to start on, hopefully maybe the summer, right? So I know, once I'm and see I'm already going to start shaking about it I just I think that whole, the whole idea of relationship, the. Yeah, we're going to have some fun talks about that. I'm sure I'm going to get tons of advice, because that's where I'm going to tell you right now, like that sends, I will jump off of anything building any plane before going on a blind date, before going on a date. I think it's that scary it is. It is so ridiculously scary to me to that whole factor. So, um, but anyway, we'll get there. That'll be a fun little journey. Everyone can go on and, at my expense, make many jokes. I'm sure that'll be coming up. But so that's something that I think I have to face as well and make sure my mental state is right and strong um, with myself and my body at it, having changed um as much as it has with all of these surgeries and the scars and all of that that. You know that I can wait until I I get past this. Next, you know, get through it, um to try, and, you know, go into that world. But yeah, there's so many things to be. I feel like every corner is a, and I'm not a scared person, but I do feel like every corner is just okay. What do we got to be brave about now? What do I need to face now. What do I need to be courageous about now?
Kristine:I think there was a meme, too, talking about memes, but I think there was one out there where someone was saying, okay, lord, don't give me, I cannot learn anything more today. No more lessons today. No more challenges today. I need the evening off. I need the afternoon off, like I'm going into my house, shutting the door in, like nothing more to happen. And I do feel that way right now kind of in my life and I bet you do too that every time I turn around, it's either a work challenge which I'm not going to go into really details on that right now but there's a couple.
Kristine:I work a couple different jobs. I'm consulting and still working in the education field, and there's been a couple of things that have happened that have been extremely challenging and I'm having to face and be courageous about and possibly start over in. And then I think, with you know, with the cancer and the surgeries I think that's been another one and then the house, and I just think it's been. It's a lot. It's a lot of things that we have to face and look at. I think everyone's having to find things they're looking at and being confronted with things in their life that are changed, where they have to be courageous or brave or face something and we want to not bring with us all the same old stuff, right? Hopefully, we want to learn and grow and, like you said, reinvent ourselves, and I think that's important to do and I think you do it a lot in your life.
Kristine:Me, being in my fifties, I will tell you you're in your thirties, I there's been a number of times, I think you reinvent yourself when you become a mom, when you be, you know, when you have children, like you never think of yourself as how you're going to be as a mom, right, and what it feels like to be a mom, and you don't know what that's like until you're in it. And then you become this mom with certain rules and you know this is how I'm going to raise my kids and this is what's important to me and these are the values I'm going to give them and that's a whole reinvention from. For me it was from the woman who was career oriented and out and fun with her friends all the time and then all of a sudden switching to mom it. It was definitely a change and reinvention and being courageous and trying to figure that out.
Kristine:And then, once they get old enough and they leave the nest, like, okay, now, who am I? That I'm not a mom, like you're still mom, but not in the same way you know once they're out. So that's another reinvention. That happens as to okay, who am I now? And then if you go through a divorce or anything again another reinvention you move all of these things. I think it's a good thing. I think it's an opportunity to change and to grow and to you know, um, learn from and become better. But I do think it can be overwhelming and scary, yeah.
Janette:For all the brave ladies out there, you guys are killing it. And for all the brave ladies out there, you guys are killing it.
Kristine:Yeah, all right. So our recommendation, what we're doing, I don't know. I don't know if you want to take advice from us or not, but we're in the midst of it. We're in the midst of reinvention and being courageous, which brings me to kind of our monthly resource, which is it's from Brené Brown, b-r-e-n-e Brown.
Kristine:Brene Brown and she did a speech called the man in the Arena and or Step into the Arena. I've seen it called both on YouTube so you can listen to either one, but basically it's taking from a speech that was given by Roosevelt. Theodore Roosevelt, right About being the man and, of course, the man in the arena, but being the person in the arena, right, and that. That that's that. There are going to be tons of people around you who are going to critique what you're doing. Their speech is about that. The brave people are the ones who actually step into the arena. The brave people are the ones that actually put themselves out there. So you are either creating something, building something, reinventing yourself in some way, trying new things in some way. Trying new things. Whatever you're doing, and you're being brave and courageous, don't take critiques from people who are sitting in the stands and watching you do it right Because they're not in the arena. The only thing that should matter is, like, maybe take it, you know, inspiration from other people out there who are in the arena as well and putting themselves out there to try and better their lives and create something.
Kristine:So, um, her big advice was that she was really criticized for the first speech that she gave about vulnerability and when she first became famous and the attacks on her the comment sections, um, were vicious, and so she really listened to Roosevelt's speech and this idea that she walked away was if you're not in the arena as well, if you're not creating your own stuff, if you're not out there being brave and failing and trying new things and trying reinvention and trying to make yourself better and learning and creating, then she's not interested in your comments and I fully agree with her on that.
Kristine:I think that you need to align yourself and find other people being brave and, trust me, they're not going to critique you because they know what it feels like to be that vulnerable and put yourself out there and they're going to support you and those are the people that you want around you and everybody else you just have to ignore and I love, I love that idea to just ignore people critiquing from the stands. That's that's not going to help. And surround yourself with other people who are out there being brave, um, and know how it feels to be vulnerable as you're doing it.
Janette:Yep, it's just noise. It's just a bunch of noise.
Kristine:You can listen to her talk on YouTube, right the Brene Brown man in the Arena speech and talk. Or you can listen to read I think you can read Roosevelt's his speech about the man in the arena. So it's all very interesting and, I think, inspiring, and parts of that, that speech, are just so inspiring. I had a couple of lines of it written, as I was saying, up on my little mirror with my markers dry erase markers and it's really inspiring as far as the strength of the man in the arena who is being vulnerable and fighting the fight to be creative.
Janette:Love it.
Kristine:Our topic for next week is courageous boundary setting. I have so much work to be doing on boundary setting. I am learning and I have some ideas, but I think again, I can't wait to hear from my, our Gen Xers, cause I think that is something that was hugely missing as far as boundaries, when in my generation is Gen X, that the word boundaries was never used, so I think that'll be very interesting. So what's your moment of joy this week, jeanette?
Janette:So, as I was speaking about earlier, it's a picture of from the Valley of Fire.
Janette:It is a scenery photo, and what's crazy is the weather in the desert and I'm sure a lot of you guys know is just so intense, like it could be sunny and bright one moment and then all of a sudden, a storm can come. So it is a picture of a bunch of rock formations and it is also a picture that includes the sky, and a huge storm is coming. And so when my husband and I were hiking, we were actually starting to feel the rain and we're like, oh no, we need to get out of here quickly because that does not look good. And so, um, we zoomed to our car as fast as we could, and then it just started pouring and it was like intense rain pour with extreme wind, and it was just insane. So it was kind of cool to experience, but a little scary, but it's like beautiful it's. It's, you know, the calm before the storm. I guess, if you want to say yeah, that's so cool.
Kristine:I love that. Well, mine, I won't share the picture, but I'm going to give you guys thoughts because I do want to keep it a little private. But it was buying my own house. When I signed the dotted line and I was handed the keys, I guess I would say at that moment, when I was handed the keys and said this is your house, I literally went into the house on my own and opened up the doors and just stood in the main like living room area and just kind of looked around.
Kristine:It was just like all right, like we did this, we're on our way, and it was just such a feeling of accomplishment for me buying the house, being able to afford it on my own and, you know, getting through all the drama that happened, the ups and downs and you know the market, as you know, at that time was extremely well. It still is competitive and people were out bidding and over bidding each other and houses were flying off and it was, you know, and everything that went with my old house and what we had to do with that to get it sold. So there was just a lot of ups and downs and circumstances that I had to navigate all on my own and with you know, it was just such a great moment and feeling when I was handed the keys and said you're done, this is it, this is yours, and so it was an amazing feeling. So I'll see if I can find that picture that I could put up on our website and in here. That's not, it doesn't really give away like anything too personal, but yeah. So that that was my moment of joy in remembering that I did that and it was a great feeling, really, really good feeling. Let's see.
Kristine:Oh, we did put up a new Monday Minute yesterday, so please go on that to the shorts on YouTube. On our YouTube channel, I Created a Life I Love and click not under podcasts but under shorts, and we have our minute where you can just take a minute and meditate, just take, do some breathing, just a calming moment and listen to the wind outside or the crashing of the waves outside and, you know, just kind of bring everything back to your intention for the day and the joy that you would like to get out of the day. So that is up, so I'm excited about that, can't wait. All right, everybody, have a wonderful week, go out there and create a life you love.
Janette:Bye, bye, thank you.