I Created A Life I Love

Why Is My Gratitude Journal Not Working?

• Kristine Spindler Denton

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Battling cancer turned my world upside down, but it also opened my eyes to the profound impact of gratitude. Today we peel back the layers on how embracing gratitude goes far beyond scribbles in a journal. Discover how my cancer journey led to a seismic shift in perspective and how Janette's life transitions are teaching us both to cherish the path of discovery—a testament to the incredible resilience and joy that emerge when gratitude takes the lead.

If you are ready to move to the next level and embrace that gratitude isn't just an item on our to-do lists, but a living, breathing way of being that can be life-changing, this is the episode for you!  Join us and start your journey of creating a life you love!


Kristine Spindler Denton:

Hello everyone. Is your gratitude journal not quite working for you, and what is the difference between a gratitude mindset and being grateful for a moment? We are going to talk about all of that, so come join us. Hello everyone and welcome to. I Created a Life I Love. Hi everyone, I am Kristine Spindler.

Janette Rodriguez:

Denton, and I am Jeanette Rodriguez.

Kristine Spindler Denton:

Yes, we are, and today we are talking about gratitude and going beyond just journaling. So I am so excited about this topic. It's been a huge shift in my life and I have learned so much with this through my cancer recovery, so I'm excited to share all that with you. This is our month of gratitude. This is week one, so we're doing a whole month on gratitude and I don't know. I think everyone has talked about how important having gratitude is in your life and how it changes all of the other things that you do, and I think we're in agreement with that, but we have a little different take on some of the ways that you do that. So I think this is going to be fun, but let's start with what's up. What's up, jeanette?

Janette Rodriguez:

But let's start with what's up. What's up, jeanette? Hi everyone. So, as you know, for those who have been following us and for those who are new to us, I'll just give you a little explanation of what's going on in my life. I am currently in a different state. I moved away from California and I moved to Las Vegas, nevada. So what's up with me is basically, I am trying to figure out myself and create a life I love, and in doing so, I do need a job to support my habits. So I'm currently looking for a simple job that is not stressful, something that's easy, just to keep me busy and, to you know, help me get to know the community. So something very simple. That's what's up with me.

Kristine Spindler Denton:

You know it's hard to leave and make all the changes that you've made and I don't know if our listeners know or remember from previous shows, but that you're debating a lot of things right now. You're debating with your husband as possibly starting a family or possibly, you know, changing careers completely out of education, and we've been trained, you know, in how to educate students and children and adults and professional development and all of these type of things. For decades you've been working in that field and so, outside of the classroom and training others, as we both have been for the last number, last number of years, and I think it's really interesting to try and look into that and see if that's what you want to keep doing, what part you want to change, what you don't. It takes time and I'm glad, I'm really proud of you.

Kristine Spindler Denton:

I think it's very brave to give yourself that time, like you're doing it where you have to make some money right to keep yourself going, but you also still want to give yourself the time to really figure out where you want to go next. I think that's it's not easy to give yourself that time. It's a brave move.

Kristine Spindler Denton:

Yes, yes, and so still figuring myself out as we all are, and that's the cool thing, as we tell you guys every week, we are on this journey with you, like we're growing and learning and getting feedback from you guys and ideas and all of that. This is an interactive show and it is definitely where we learn from each other. So some of you kind of don't know my background too. I've been through a ton of things in the last five, six years of my life and moved to a completely different area in the same state, but still in a different house my first house that I've bought completely on my own and figuring out how to do it all single now and with my kids off in college so I'm an empty nester as well and then got this lovely little diagnosis of cancer, and so then that was an addition to all right, how are we going to navigate this all? So we are in this with you guys and I hope we are helping each other and inspiring and supporting each other. And so for me, what's up is I have started moving, so that's good. You know they want you, after a surgery, to get up and about as soon as possible for blood clots and stuff. So, this being my third surgery, I was up, you know, very quickly, but that doesn't mean that you're actually moving right. That doesn't mean you're really kind of physical. You're very you know it's very controlled as to what you can do or what I was able to do and what parts I could move. So I am finally feeling good enough that I'm actually going on some small walks around my yard, yeah, and around my house and doing some laps, much to the hysterical response of my dog who keeps going to the front doors.

Kristine Spindler Denton:

Everyone knows I have a huge 170 pound German Shepherd Rottweiler mix and he is very frustrated. So we're on the treadmill a lot. He loves the treadmill and but it doesn't take the place of a walk. So he's very frustrated, frustratedly, keeps going to the front door as I just keep circling. He's not real happy and he finally just lays down and rolls his eyes at me like what the hell? Woman? So that's funny.

Kristine Spindler Denton:

But I am walking and it's very good for me to be physical. I'm a very energetic kind of hyper person, as Jeanette knows. Energetic kind of hyper person, as Jeanette knows, and so it works best for my brain that is constantly going to that. It has a project and has things focused to think about and to do, and the same thing for my body. So I've been finding new ways to be grateful for the situation I'm in and what I'm doing and what I can do each day. And it's been a challenge, but a good one. I'm learning a ton about myself and I am more patient than I thought, so that's a breakthrough I had this week with my.

Janette Rodriguez:

You have to be because you have very little patience sometimes. You have to be because you have very little patience.

Kristine Spindler Denton:

I am not good, I am not a patient person, but I will tell you that I have been from surgery one to surgery three has taught me patience, patience with my body, with myself, with all of it, with recovery in general. I have learned patience and I am definitely not calling myself a professional on this level, but I have definitely improved from where I was in, say, my first surgery was in October, from October. So there you go, steps, steps on the journey. So let's see, we have a couple of fun quotes that I found today. One is let's see, do you want I'll do the first one.

Kristine Spindler Denton:

You can read the second one, jeanette, but this is from Cicero and it's gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues but the parent of all the others, and I love that. I think that's true. I think if you start with gratitude, you can then move into all these other areas we're talking about and, like we said, we're giving you a different theme each week, a different tool to take out and put in your toolbox and use when needed. Every month we focus on a different tool, and this month is gratitude, and I agree, I think if you start from gratitude, you can move into any of the other tools that we're hopefully giving you guys each month.

Janette Rodriguez:

Yeah, and the second quote is gratitude is literally one of the few things that can measurably change people's lives. That's from Dr Robert Emmons. Yeah, and just having gratitude, for you know, um, it spreads from people to people. So, you know, um, if you have a lot of gratitude, it's you know um, what is the word it's contagious. There you go.

Kristine Spindler Denton:

I was just noticing while you were speaking, we could see your puppy. We just saw her little head and then a little tail pick up. It was the cutest thing I didn't even notice. We're always grateful for animals and we'll stop and point them out at any time.

Kristine Spindler Denton:

Just know that about us, everything will stop depending on what animal has entered what room at what time. So that's just how it's going to be. But, yes, I love that quote too, because I think it does measureably I'm struggling today measureably change people's lives. It really does. It has done that for me. But let's talk about first, like why is it important? And what is the difference of living in a country a life of gratitude and kind of being in a gratitude mindset, versus kind of practicing gratitude and just journaling each day and picking those moments that you're grateful for? So I think that's the big shift. For me, that was the breakthrough, which we'll get to in a second.

Kristine Spindler Denton:

But first let's talk about why it's even important. So why is it even important? And so we have a couple of sources here. So the first one that I'll start with is from John Hopkins Medicine, and that there is a direct correlation between a positive, grateful attitude and your mental health. Research shows that positivity can improve your physical health as well as your mental health, which we've discussed and there's a ton of studies on this how your outlook, your mindset, changes everything about the world that you live in and directly affects your mental health and thus your physical health. So it's really, really important.

Kristine Spindler Denton:

And the other source that we're looking at is from psychiatric medical care, and the quote that we have from them is Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order and confusion into clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home and a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past. It brings peace for today and it creates a vision for tomorrow. And that actually is a quote from BD from 1990, not from the psych medical care. That's from BD. She is an author, so that's the quote from there. And then I think you did have something from the psychiatric medical care, jeanette, did you?

Janette Rodriguez:

Yes, so we have another quote psychiatric medical care. Jeanette, did you? Yes, so we have another quote. Gratitude is a chosen state of being where thankfulness is an emotion. Gratitude is an attitude of appreciation. Under any circumstance, gratitude involves being thankful, but it is more than that. Gratitude means expressing thankfulness and being appreciative of life daily, even when nothing exciting happens. Again, this is from the psychiatric medical care.

Kristine Spindler Denton:

Yeah, and that's a great website and it had a list of some of these really cool quotes and outlooks on gratitude. So it's a great website. But basically going into, why should you even care about gratitude, why does it matter? And so we're just showing you from very different perspectives and different quotes and different people and studies that have been done as to the effect that people have on their mental health especially. But it definitely bleeds into the physical health, as we mentioned. But the change in your mental health when you shift your mindset is just so big. It's such a wonderful change that can happen for you and we're going to get into, like, how you do that.

Kristine Spindler Denton:

But first I want to talk about why it's hard. Right, because none of the things that we talk about are easy to do. It's all that whole easier said than done, and the big thing that happens is you'll start on a path or look at something and say, yeah, I agree that being grateful brings more things to be grateful for into my life. Right, that the more I notice and look for things to be grateful for, the more I will see. Right, whatever you look for in life, whatever you set your mind to do, your mind is an amazing tool and if you set your mind to find things to be grateful for, it will find them. And you keep practicing that. If you let your mind just go off on its way, it's going to find all the reasons why you should be scared or anxious, because it's coming from that. You know how do we keep you safe? Predatory factor that you know we don't need anymore. So you have to make sure that you're training and working with your mind and getting it to focus on what you want it to focus on.

Kristine Spindler Denton:

But it is much easier said than done, and what we're really talking about today is how do you make that mind shift?

Kristine Spindler Denton:

So to explain what that is, is that when you are just writing in a journal, you are picking out moments in your day that you are grateful for and kind of, in other words, saying the rest of it you weren't grateful for, right.

Kristine Spindler Denton:

And so you're just picking out specific moments that went well and somehow brought you joy and saying, yeah, I'll be grateful for those moments. But why that doesn't necessarily work in really changing your life is for a couple of reasons, and one is the fact is that you're not in a state of gratitude, you're not looking at everything that's happening to you and you're not being in the moment, right, you're not in the moment. You're in the evening, at 8 pm at night, or 9 pm at night, looking back at something that might've happened at 8 am, 12 pm, whenever, and there are not feelings usually connected to it. You're not, you know, reliving the moment, you're not connecting to how you felt when you had that really joyous thing happen, and so you're doing this all kind of as something to do and writing down, but it's not actually shifting your feelings. Which is key to changing anything in your life is to connect those feelings with it, and you're not staying in the present moment when the moment of gratitude happens.

Janette Rodriguez:

Yeah, and if you're like me, just being consistent in writing a journal is very difficult, you know I'll do it for a good month and then I'll forget. So I think it's very special, like Christine said, to actually feel it in the moment and, you know, reflect on it or, you know, do whatever you need to do in order to make sure you express that gratitude for that actual moment.

Kristine Spindler Denton:

Yeah, and for me, I just felt really frustrated. So, my, so I think the first thing is is to you know, accept that it is hard, right To stop and be in the moment and be grateful in the moment. It's, it's hard to stay aware in the present moment, and we all know that, we've been taught this that living in the moment, not thinking about the past, not thinking about the future either one, but being in the exact moment that you're in, is key to really having joy. And so feeling gratitude when you are in the moment is what is going to make a difference in your life. And it's not easy to do, to stop yourself and to do it, but that is going to start helping shift your whole mindset.

Kristine Spindler Denton:

And so, um, what I had when I was keeping my journal cause I do write every night anyway, I do write in a journal, so for me it's something I do every night Um, but, and so I do write down as part of my journaling what I'm grateful for, but it wasn't. It was a very cerebral situation going on. There was no connection for me with the moment that I had earlier that day at all, Do you know?

Janette Rodriguez:

what I mean.

Kristine Spindler Denton:

So I'm writing out and I'm thinking about that moment that happened, but other than that, there was not anything that happened in the moment for sure. I didn't stop and even when I was writing about it I didn't really feel connected to the moment. I wasn't feeling how I felt in that moment. I was just writing out, describing the moment, but not with any real depth, and so I was starting to feel very frustrated by so many people that I've heard and read and I've been studying, and you guys all know that both of us, as academics, we read a lot. We, you know, we love books, we love studying and learning. We're believe that we are, you know, forever learners and it helps when you're at home dealing with, you know, recovering from surgeries for months at a time, which I have been because I've read and studied all of these topics even more so.

Kristine Spindler Denton:

And I was reading about all these people like having these great breakthroughs, with gratitude and it changing their lives, and it in no way was happening for me just by journaling, just by doing that, like that didn't? It was not a breakthrough for me at all. And I think that really looking at and dealing with my cancer and finding and said, okay, well, if I'm really going to do this and embrace gratitude and gratitude is so important in my life and I want to make sure I don't just get through this cancer but I thrive and I come out of it better, stronger, having learned something about myself growing as a person then I need to find gratitude for this, and so it started to switch my whole idea of gratitude, of how it wasn't something I was going to write about in the evening. It was going to be something that I demonstrated and was a part of me all day long.

Janette Rodriguez:

You're a writer, like for me, I'm not a writer, and so I I actually enjoy things in the moment. So, you know, this strategy of actually feeling the moment and being grateful for it really is something that I like doing, yeah.

Kristine Spindler Denton:

Yeah, that's so cool. See, that's such a cool skillset that you have that you live more, and I know a lot of people like that that are able to really live in the moment Right.

Janette Rodriguez:

And.

Kristine Spindler Denton:

I think, yeah, that's it is. It always has been a struggle for me to not let my head take me out of a moment and a situation. It's something meditation has helped. Chanting has helped. Sitting just in silence has helped right In nature. Nature's been the key for me on that. It really it being out in nature. Even if I'm just sitting out in my backyard which I've done a lot of while I've been reading and studying but I'll put the book down and I'll just sit outside for a moment and really be in that moment out in nature, and that's helped me a lot to build that skill.

Kristine Spindler Denton:

But so I think that you're right the way, the way to make it a mindset and the way to make it something you are working from and that is a part of you. It's not something you do, it's a set way of being, and that's the shift that has to happen. For you to go deeper into gratitude is it has to be that this is who I am. I am a grateful person and I started out by saying that to myself. As one of your actionable steps that we can get into is that I definitely started using that.

Kristine Spindler Denton:

I have my little mantras that I say to myself every morning and every evening and just kind of keeping myself and being clear as to who I am right and it's who you want to be.

Kristine Spindler Denton:

Many times I haven't fulfilled all of them yet and that's fine, but I say my I am statement and one of them that I added when I was learning this and figuring this out for me, was that I had to be a grateful person. It had to be a part of my being. It wasn't something that I did once a day. It had to be who I was. So I added I am a grateful person to my I am statement. So that's one of my first. I would say that's the first actionable step to really take is you have to change your mindset to understand that it's not something that you're going to do once a day and just write about. You have to be grateful. It is something that you have to have as a part of you and keep throughout your day is something that you have to have as a part of you and keep throughout your day.

Janette Rodriguez:

Oh yeah yeah. One of the steps that I enjoy doing is actually capturing the moment. I love visuals, I'm a very visual person, so you know I'll take a quick, you know photo. So it helps me remember that time and to be grateful.

Kristine Spindler Denton:

But that's so cool, like we say this with our students, again always going back to educating and how to teach people and the ways that people learn are so important, and we've always talked about the different types of ways people learn and what type of learner are you?

Kristine Spindler Denton:

And most people are a couple different types. You know what I mean. Like some will learn through listening and auditory, others are visual, right, I mean others have to learn through touch. There's all different ways that people learn and usually you're not just one, usually you're a combination of more than one, and knowing yourself and knowing what works for you is where you want to get. Knowing what works for you, that is what is?

Kristine Spindler Denton:

key. And so that's so cool, jeanette, that it's just like yeah, I'm not going to be able to write this down Like. That just doesn't work for me. I don't enjoy it. It's not something I'm going to keep up, but I can be consistent if I take a picture of it Like that's just such a great idea picture of it Like that's just such a great idea.

Janette Rodriguez:

Yeah, love it.

Kristine Spindler Denton:

I love that idea for you. Okay. So the other one is definitely stopping in the moment, right? So, as Jeanette was saying, she does it with taking a picture of it, and you can do that. You can. If you don't want to take a picture, you can jot it down to remember it. Or if you just think you will remember don't want to take a picture, you can jot it down to remember it. Or if you just think you will remember, that's fine, do that. Whatever.

Kristine Spindler Denton:

However, you want to do it, but it is being in the moment, stopping and feeling how you feel. That is the biggest thing and you do not have to make this a production Now. If you want to make it a production, you go, you be you. If you want to make it a huge, big celebratory moment so that it will really stick in your brain and start training your brain that you are looking for moments of gratitude all the time and you are always receiving things to be grateful for, right, we want it to become a habit for your brain, a habit for your body to connect with these moments. If you want to make it a big deal, do that. Like, make that pathway a freeway. Do you know what I mean Like do that. But if you want to let's say you're in the office and someone just comes up to you and says something funny to you, or your best friend at work just makes you laugh with some comment and you want to remember that moment, you can make it as tiny as just getting up from your desk and walking like you're going to the restroom and inside your brain be going oh my gosh, feel how happy that just made me feel, how joyous I am right now. Feel out like I'm just laughing out loud because of what you know they just did or said or whatever. Remember this moment. This is a moment I am so grateful for. Look at how my life has so many cool moments. Any of these phrases you want to connect to that moment. That's the point is that you don't want to just be remembering this later in the moment.

Kristine Spindler Denton:

You need to stop and identify these moments, to train your brain, your body and everything to react, identify and feel grateful for as many times. You can do this throughout the day and again, it's just training your brain to recognize these moments of joy and to feel grateful. Right, and then, hopefully, the more you keep doing it and I've been doing this a while now and it definitely happens. You start to just string them all together and you'll find you've had two, three hours where you're like, oh, wow, that was hysterical, whoa, that was really funny. Wait, oh, wow. Like you start to just be like bam, bam, bam, like this is super cool, what a great day I'm having. Oh, I'm feeling so great. Like they start to string together and to affect your whole mood and then that just builds and builds and builds in your level of gratitude and the amount of moments that will come into your life to be grateful.

Kristine Spindler Denton:

Yeah, but if I do, I make sure that it's something new or different, to create a new thought way or pathway you know for my brain as to what it is and I really make sure I relive the moment, like I feel how I felt at that moment. Right, because again, it's been proven again and again scientifically, your brain does not know the difference between what that mind is creating. Right, your body doesn't know the difference between what that mind is creating as an event that's happened or the real event. So you want to really fully relive it, feel how you felt. So don't just be writing something down, put and attach feelings and the moment, put yourself back in that moment and really feel how you felt and be grateful for that, for the feeling as well as for the first moment. So you're doubling down, kind of, on your level of gratitude, but attach feelings to it, to that journal writing, if you really want to continue to work on a gratitude mind shift. So it's a state of being, not just something you're doing.

Janette Rodriguez:

Yeah, any pointers on what they could do with their visuals. You know you can create little folders, even shared memories, on your phone. You can even share it with people that you want. You know maybe you have a shareable gratitude moment that you want. You know, maybe you have a shareable gratitude moment, and those are really, you know, nice to look back at, especially if you know their experience. You know whoever you're with is experiencing the same thing you are, and maybe they captured it from a different perspectives for you to see. So that's something that's really cool.

Kristine Spindler Denton:

Yeah, I think that's a wonderful point. I think being able to go back and if you're having a really bad day, like I will tell you that this journey with excuse me, with cancer, that it is not a straight line like dealing with a diagnosis and healing in any way, even if you're healing, like, from an injury or something, a sports injury or something you don't heal in a straight line, like you'll have good days and then you'll go back two steps or whatever. And it's the same thing with loss, right, loss hits you out of the blue. You'll be fine for three, four days and then the feelings of grief will just hit you. And it doesn't. There's no rhyme or reason to any of it. So there's no you know judgment in it at all, because everyone does it in their own way and goes through it in their own way.

Kristine Spindler Denton:

But when you do have those dark moments or those tough times or those challenging things, having these moments of gratitude to go back to I think are fantastic. I think that's wonderful. You can go back and open up a folder of all these beautiful pictures and all these great moments, and that's wonderful. Or go back and flip through your journal and then, if you do that, though it's the same thing Really make sure that you're not just looking at them right or reading them, that you really take the time to try and feel how you felt in that moment and connect with those feelings and make it real for yourself, um as, and reminding your brain and your body exactly how you felt grateful, um, and that's it's really important to kind of cement those, um, feelings, uh. So there you go.

Kristine Spindler Denton:

So those are some. Hopefully you guys will apply those. Those are some actionable steps that you can hopefully take this week. As always, give us some feedback and let us know what worked for you, what didn't, how you switched it up, because, remember, as we discussed quite a bit last week, we are all unique and different and that's a great thing and we all connect with certain things and not others. Some things work, some things don't, so it's always fun to hear how you guys have changed things up and made it your own. Email us at icreatedalifeiloveatgmailcom. And Jeanette, now what is your moment of joy?

Janette Rodriguez:

so my moment of joy is actually just going through the process and finding myself oh, there's my and my dog, she's in. I'm so hungry. Yeah, she's ready to be let out.

Kristine Spindler Denton:

Like, enough talking already people.

Janette Rodriguez:

I know.

Kristine Spindler Denton:

Very cool. What is your?

Janette Rodriguez:

moment of joy.

Kristine Spindler Denton:

I think mine has been embracing this journey and my sarcasm along the way. I think that was my moment of joy, and we talked about last week how the way that you get through things or handle things and do things, that your personality is a part of your journey and should be helping your dreams, helping you be who you are. You shouldn't be going or trying to fight against your unique personality. And one of the parts of my personality, for better or worse people, is my sarcasm, and I think it's something that I used to try and fight against it and try and not be so sarcastic and and I've just embraced it Like it's something I've become grateful for, because I found my people and the people that get my humor and that get my sarcasm and are right there with me you know a lot of them have to be honest are like my generations, the Gen Xers because sarcasm reigns supreme in our childhood and growing up and and we have definitely not lost it and I just have learned to embrace it as part of my personality and be very, very grateful for it, because I crack myself up all the time as I'm here on my own, like you know, recovering, like I have tons of friends and family who have been here for me through this.

Kristine Spindler Denton:

So I don't want to make it sound like that, but I do live alone, and so I've just learned to embrace my sense of humor and crack myself up, as I'm, you know, struggling with something or something goes horribly wrong. Yeah, that humor and those comments come out and they make me laugh, and so it's been something that I'm truly grateful for, and when I make a funny comment or a very sarcastic comment, I am definitely stopping in the moment, being grateful and laughing. That's awesome.

Kristine Spindler Denton:

All right, everybody. We are to the end now and we want to remind you that we'll have our Monday meditation minute out. Please use those. We've gotten some great comments back from people who are using those Monday minutes and just stopping and this will help you with gratitude, too is just stopping in the minute. Walk around your desk for a minute while you put it in like your ear and just listen to the waves, or listen to a breeze through the trees and reset your mind for your intention of the day.

Kristine Spindler Denton:

Remember, this is your life, this is your time, these are your days, and make sure that you are focused on what you want. Wherever you are. Whatever you're doing, your attitude and your focus is your choice. So use those Monday meditation minutes to keep you in line with wherever you want to be. And then join us this month. Our ebook and our digital pages are all about gratitude, right, and you get a different digital page each week that aligns with what we're talking about here. So you become a member and get that, and we're also going to be starting some workshops that are going to be cool that you can be a part of, too, if you're a member, and we'll have our monthly newsletter coming out, so look for that. That'll have some fun sources.

Janette Rodriguez:

And for next week we are going to be talking about spreading joy through gratitude, so that's going to be a good one.

Kristine Spindler Denton:

Yeah, that's going to be great. I think that's really good. So first you got to figure it out for yourself and get yourself feeling grateful right Throughout your life, and then one of the ways that does help that and support that is spreading it. So I think we're gonna have a really fun talk with some great actionable steps and ways that you can really spread joy that puts more joy out there, spreading that gratitude. You're a puppy, yeah, I know.

Janette Rodriguez:

She's ready to go.

Kristine Spindler Denton:

I love it All. Right, bye, everybody. Go out there and create a life you love.

Janette Rodriguez:

Bye everyone.